The Ceremony

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me be the first to say, thank you, Erin and Sam for bringing us all together for this joyous occasion. Also, thank you to Madalaine, Michael, Rhonda and Mike for everything they did to make this day happen.

Sam and Erin asked me over a year ago to do this ceremony and I prepared diligently, well in advance, just like when I had to write a college essay. For my first ceremony, they didn’t make it very easy for me. Erin never wanted the day to be all about her, they wanted this day to be a celebration of all their friends and family getting together. There will be no bride and grooms side, no wedding party, no walking down the aisle, no aisle, no chuppah, and no wedding rings. They said, “We’re going to drink for an hour, then you get everyone’s attention and we’ll put the drinking on hold.” Oh, and I get to write their vows for them. Michael suggested that I make them dance around in circles in front of everybody. Colin said I should get a really religious catholic ceremony off the Internet just to stick it to you. Many wedding officiants would take this time to talk about the seriousness and sanctity of marriage. Well, if Sam and Erin had wanted serious, they never would have asked me to do the ceremony.

---------------------------------------------------
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Rob Silverman and I stand here as a deputy commissioner of marriage for the county of San Diego for this and only this ceremony. I am not an ordained minister or rabbi of any kind, and these two are not looking for a religious ceremony, but for today, I am a justice of the peace. I am also one of the few people who can say that I knew Sam and Erin before they knew each other. I don’t have a distinct memory of meeting either of them but we were all friends since early freshman year. Erin says we met on the second day of orientation week in Chris Berson’s room across the hall from me. She lived on the second floor of our building, while I lived on the third and Sam, who we had yet to meet, lived on the first floor. I met Sam in October when we started pledging Chi Phi, and we quickly became friends. Sam remembers when I introduced him to Erin. He thought she was a sophomore since she knew everybody, so as we can see, Sam was in awe of her from the very beginning.
------------------------------------------
Sophomore year, Sam and I lived on the Chi Phi special interest hall together, a couple rooms apart. Junior and senior year, we lived next to each other in the Chi Phi house. And Erin was always around. She came to all the parties, hung out with us; she was just one of the guys. When she and Sam started dating, no one really saw a difference. She was still just one of the guys but she slept in Sam’s room at the end of the night. I never really thought of them as a couple, just two great friends. So here we are, joining two great friends in a public declaration of their commitment. Everyone should be so lucky as you to be able to say that they married their best friend.
---------------------------------------------------
For those of you who came here today as just a friend of either Erin or of Sam, and you haven’t had the chance yet to get to know one or the other of them, let me encourage you to take that time to get to know them as a couple. Sam and Erin are two of the nicest people you will meet. They dedicated themselves to teaching children for the last several years and even listed on their wedding registry donations to a charity that provides books to low-income families. They have been friends for almost 8 years, a couple for nearly 5 years, and engaged for about 4 years. And today, we mark the beginning of a new stage in their relationship, as they commit to each other for good.
--------------------------------
----------------------------
When I talked to Sam this week about why he wanted to marry Erin, he told me about how he could never see himself with anyone else, and never wanted to be with anyone else. And that’s what a marriage should be. Marriage is dedication. You give yourself, your life and love, into the hands of the one you love. You do so trustingly and generously. By the same token, each of you receives a gift – the life and love of the other. You receive this gift not only from the one you love, but also from the parents who brought you into the world and reared you and from the personal world of friends and family who are gathered here today to witness this marriage.

It would be pretty careless of me if I didn’t take a moment to point out just how loved these two are and just how much fun they have together. Here you are, surrounded by so many members of your friends and family who love you and wouldn’t miss this day no matter what idiot is performing the ceremony. People have come from all over the country to be here and share in this simcha. It’s no surprise how well everyone from the different parts of your lives has gotten along these past few days, and how much fun everyone has had. May the rest of your life, that you share together, be just as much fun.
----------------------------------------------
In a number of ceremonies, the couple shares a glass of wine. Wine is symbolic of life: it goes through many stages from sweet to sour, and finally we get something that is quite good, and brings us joy. And that is the tradition. But of course, Sam and Erin will be making their own traditions, and they have decided that tequila represents all the same symbolism. So with that I say:

Baruch atah p’ri ha’adamah
Praised be the fruit of the earth.
L’Chaim!

Alright, shall we make this official?

Sam, take her hand and repeat after me:





I, Sam Stavis,
promise to love you, Erin,
To trust you
To call you on your bullshit
To offer you the last slice of pizza
And to respect your opinion, even when I think you’re wrong.
I promise to laugh and cry with you,
Never go to bed angry,
Support you unconditionally,
And to be your best friend.
All this I do solemnly and sincerely promise and vow…
For the rest of my life.

I, Erin Charnow,
promise to love you, Sam,
To trust you
To call you on your bullshit
To offer you the last slice of pizza
And to listen to you, even when I know you’re wrong.
I promise to laugh and cry with you,
Never go to bed angry,
Support you unconditionally,
And to be your best friend.
All this I do solemnly and sincerely promise and vow…
For the rest of my life.

--------------------------------------------
Normally, after the recitation of vows, a typical couple might exchange rings as a visible symbol of their love and dedication to each other. These two are not exactly typical.
------
Sam, Do you promise to love and take care of her forever?
Erin, Do you promise to love and take care of him forever?
Let us bind these promises in the ancient tradition of the pinky swear!

There are many explanations for why the guy gets to break a glass at the end of a Jewish wedding. It is either because we’re remembering the destruction of the Temple, we’re scaring away evil spirits, or it is that things are going to break over the course of the marriage, so let’s get this first one out of the way. My personal favorite is that this is the only time Sam gets to put his foot down in the marriage. Regardless of the reason, these two are equals and will break this glass together.

But first let me say that by virtue of the authority vested in me as Deputy Commissioner of Civil Marriages, in and for the County of San Diego, it is my pleasure to declare you husband and wife. You may kiss each other.